Winter Blues

I hate this time of year. It has nothing to do with the lack of sun or dismal weather. It has nothing to do with the post-holiday letdown. It doesn't even have to do with the fact that every year around this time I find myself one year closer to Metamucil and pill boxes with slots for every day of the week. No, I hate this time of year because of two words.

Science. Fair.

For those of you who are parents out there, I am sure you understand why those two words evoke loathing and dread in my heart. Why do I hate the science fair? There are many, many reasons. Mostly it is because under the glossy surface it is simply the clever way teachers have devised to get revenge on "involved" parents. Science projects are entirely in addition to all the other schoolwork the kids have and -- they are done completely at home.

This means I have to teach the scientific method (again). It means I am involved in knockdown, drag-out fights over what constitutes a valid scientific question to answer by way of experiment, as opposed to "How many boogers can I pick in 30 minutes?" It means realizing that our parental division of homework (I monitor everyday homework; David helps with the projects) is a farce, and it's really only me all the way. And it means that for six to eight weeks I encourage, cajole, prod, push, nag, and finally downright drag our children toward the goal of having a poster board littered with information, glitter, and a photo of a dead plant displayed on science fair night. Good grief! It makes me sick to my stomach even thinking about it.

Then, the other day while I'm having a conversation with Sabrina, she informs me that she loves science fair, thinks it's really fun. And I will confess to you right here and now that my first thought was not, "How wonderful! All that hard work has paid off. She loves science and the science fair!" My first thought was entirely inappropriate for family reading or sailing vessels. But it roughly translates as, "That's not right. She should be miserable, too!"

My fear and loathing has pushed me over to the dark side of the force (and forever will it dominate my destiny). I have discovered that I do not really care that my kid likes science. In fact, I think if she truly liked science, I would not have to do all the prodding, pushing, and nagging, taking photos of dead plants, and applying glitter to the tri-fold poster board I bought at Target in the "School Science Fair seasonal display" for $19.99.

So I believe that next year we will do things a little differently. Sabrina can prod, push, and nag herself to the finish, and I will sit back and enjoy a margarita or two. She may not like science by the end of the project, and her plants may not be as dead as they would be with my help, but at least that will be a true negative rather than a false positive. And my mental health will be all the better for it. I believe that's what we call a win-win.