And You Thought iPad Was a Bad Name

I received a nook for my birthday a couple of years ago. Upon acquiring it, it did not take long for me to jump on the ebook bandwagon. I love it for many reasons, not least of which is that I can hide my book buying habit from my husband. Twenty-five (thirty-five? forty?) books are much easier to hide in my nook than on my bedside table.

But then family members started borrowing my nook, most notably Sabrina, but also David and Calvin. And therein lies the downside of keeping all your books in one small electronic device. If you don't have your device, you don't have your books. Good thing I keep a small stash of paper books for just such emergencies.

But my stash was running low, so I bought Sabrina her very own nook for her birthday so she would stop borrowing mine. She discovered when setting it up that you can name your nook.

Sabrina: Mom, guess what? You can name your nook!

Me: Yes, I know.

S: What did you name yours?

Me: My nook.

S: That's totally boring. I named mine Nookie.

Me: Ha ha ha!

S: What? What's wrong with nookie?

Me: (giggling) Absolutely nothing, dear.

David: Nope, nothing wrong with nookie.

S: Why are you guys laughing? I don't get it. What'd I do?

D: Do you spend a lot of time with nookie?

Me: Hee, hee, hee.

S: WHAT? You have to tell me!

Me: Um, nookie? Slang term for sex.

S: Ewwwww! That's gross. Why would people ruin a perfectly good word like that? I'll have to change its name now.

(a few days later on the way home from school)

S: I was talking with my English teacher today. I told him how many books I read over Christmas break. He was really impressed.

Me: Yup, all you really need in life is just you and some nookie.

S: MOM!!

Me: (innocently) What?

S: Don't be so gross!

Me: All I said was that you really like to spend time with your e-reader. Get your mind out of the gutter, girlfriend.

S: You did that on purpose! My nook is no longer nookie. I have officially renamed it.

Me: To what?

S: Nookalicious.

Me: (snorting) Oh, yeah, that's much better.

(a few days later . . .)

S: I have an announcement. Since I cannot deal with your childish behavior, I have hereby renamed my nook Steve.

Me: Are you going to make sure that you and Steve get some quality time together this weekend?

S: Oh. My. God. You are so weird, Mom.

Medical care at its finest.

Sabrina and Calvin are playing veterinarian with their stuffed animals.

Vet (Calvin): What can I do for you today?

Pet Owner (Sabrina): Well, doctor, Mr. Bun Buns is suffering from depression. He doesn't seem to want to engage in his usual activities. Plus, he has no friends.

Vet: I would suggest he go find a friend then.

I Hear There's an Opening for President Next Year

Calvin told me he wanted to be a Literature Leader at school. Apparently this is where fourth graders go to second grade and help out with reading groups. The following is the letter he wrote explaining why he wanted this position.

Dear Mrs. Regan,

I want to be part of Literature Leadership. I want to be part of it because I'm SUPER good at reading and I love to do it. I once read a 565 page book in only one week! I also feel the need to help others. I have lots of experience with little kids. I have a friend who has two little brothers. One is seven and is in second grade, and the other is three and does not yet go to school. Sometimes my sister babysits them and I go too. I usually keep them entertained the most. I also want to be a leader. I think I'm a good leader because I like to control things. Whenever I'm in control things ALWAYS turn out great.

Sincerely,

CALVIN!

Don't Give Him Any Ideas

(Guest Post by Mr. Mini-Whats)

Last night I took Calvin to see the stage-musical version of Shrek. As we were sitting in our seats waiting for the show to start, two older gentlemen came and sat next to us.

The man next to Calvin introduced himself and began talking with him and joking. He talked about how sometimes he takes off his artificial leg and hits people with it (reminding me of Arrested Development - "let that be a lesson…"). He told Calvin he knew Calvin was really there to see the pretty girl dancers in tight costumes. He mentioned to Calvin that he knew it was past his bedtime, but if Calvin started to drift off, he would give him a little elbow in the ribs to keep him awake. Few people have ever got so many "Grrrr's" out of Calvin at once. I was having a great time.

Just before intermission, the gentlemen unexpectedly laughed so hard he almost fell out of his chair. There was nothing particularly funny at that moment on stage. Fortunately it was during a loud musical number, or it would have been really awkward.

At intermission, as I was getting ready to follow Calvin out to the snack bar, he explained his outburst. He had started dozing off, and Calvin had nudged him in the ribs with his elbow to keep him awake.

Score 1 for Calvin!

Conversations With the Georges

Rose: I love these shoes! I love the way they make me feel. I feel old.

Calvin: I feel awesome.

Rose: Maybe it's because they're so high.

Calvin: Maybe it's because I am.

Insanity Update #1

Day One: I walked close to three miles with my daughter, complaining a good portion of the time. I didn't originally plan to do this, but halfway through our first of six laps Sabrina turned to me and said, "Okay, I really can't take your whining and complaining. You need to stop now." I found that to be extremely funny and ironic since this is the girl who is never happy unless she's complaining. I therefore proceeded to complain for another three laps gaining far too much enjoyment out Sabrina's heavy sighs.

Day Two: I would say I ran a total of .8 miles today, but I think it would be optimistic to call what I was doing running. It was more of a shuffle. Old ladies with walkers probably could have lapped me. However, I persevered and ended up walking/shuffling over three miles on the treadmill. Things were going relatively well until two extremely petite and disgustingly healthy women got on the treadmills on either side of me. Their walking speed was faster than my shuffling speed, and then they started running super fast and with a lot of intensity. I wanted to ask them where exactly they thought they were going, but their intensity scared me.

Day Three: I'm finding it very hard to move and my foot hurts. Yay exercise!

In Which I Totally Lose My Mind

Apparently I'm running a 5k in November. How in the world did this happen? Anybody who knows me, even those who are barely acquainted with me, knows I abhor exercise. I am perfectly content to sit on the couch and eat my Hostess donuts while my disgustingly healthy husband runs marathons or spends a week pretending to be Lance Armstrong and riding his bike for 500 miles around Oregon. My experience with exercise has generally been attending his races and cheering for him. I don't mind as long as someone promises me a good meal. I have also been known to compare running to sticking a fork in my eye, only I'd opt for the fork over running because it wouldn't hurt any less, but it would be over much more quickly.

And yet a race is looming in my future. I would ask what the heck was I thinking, but it is obvious my brain has been surgically removed and there was no thought process involved. I have two months to go from sedentary sloth to runner. Fasten your seatbelts and hang on to your hats, people. This is going to get ugly.