Truth in Advertising

Sabrina: Wow.

Me: What?

S: I just saw an advertisement for "The Fault in Our Stars" movie.

Me: Oh, do you want to go see it?

S: No. The casting looks horrible. They obviously got both Augustus and Hazel Grace all wrong. But that's not the issue here. They had a commercial for it on TV just now, and it said it was going to be the "feel good movie of the year."

Me: No way.

S: What were they thinking? I've read the book, and it's amazing. But let me tell you, people will not be walking out of that theater "feeling good."

Honesty

Me: How was your voice lesson today?

Rose: Great. Although my voice teacher said I really need to work on lowering my larynx.

Me: Yes, you certainly do.

R: Wait! You knew about this?

Me: Yes, dear.

R: Why didn't you tell me???

Me: Because you don't listen to me or my advice.

R: True.

Helpful 2

Sabrina: What happens if I go out with this boy and I have nothing to say! So awkward! I just might die.

Me: Knowing you, I somehow doubt that will happen.

S: I could be tongue-tied and then he'd never want to see me again, and he'll tell all his friends how weird I am.

Calvin: Sabrina, I've been thinking about this, and I believe you need to have some questions ready to bring out for when there are lulls in conversation. Luckily for you, I have some questions prepared.

S: Cool! What are they?

C: Here they are. I think they'll be great conversation starters. Let me know if you need more.

    1. Do you know how to make a bow and arrow?

    2. Do you know how to make a slingshot?

    3. Have you ever been to prison?

    4. If so, what are the people like there?

Helpful

Sabrina: Guess what? I asked that boy out and he said --

Rose: No?

S: As a matter of fact he said yes.

R: Really? I guess he must like snacks or romantic play dates.

S: Shut up. I didn't use either of those terms. But I forgot to ask him for his cell phone. What should I say?

R: Here's an idea. How about, "Hey, what's your phone number?"

S: I can't do that!

R: Why on earth not?

S: Well, for one thing, that sounds too simple. Besides, what if he forgot I asked him out? Then he'd think I was weird for asking for his number, and I'd be really embarrassed.

R: That's not going to happen.

S: But what if it does?

R: Okay, how about this? Excuse me, could we possibly exchange numbers for our cellular devices so that we may communicate about coordinating any future romantic get-togethers?

S: Seriously?

R: You said my first suggestion was too simple, so I was just trying to sound like you.

That was easy.

Sabrina: I think I want to ask this boy out. Is that okay?

Me: I guess. What were you thinking of?

S: Maybe asking him to go out for a snack or something.

Rose: A snack? What are you, a preschooler?

S: How about a romantic play date? Would that make you feel any better, Rose?

R: Oh, my gosh, you are killing me. I won't ever be able to show my face around school again.

S: That was just too easy.

Pick a kid, any kid.

Me: I swear one our children will not make it to adulthood. At this point, I don't care which one it is.

Sabrina: I would suggest Calvin. In my favor, I am the most capable, I'm able to take care of myself, and I am only the second highest maintenance kid here.

David: And she's persuasive to boot.

Target Terror

One morning we had some time to kill before our fun for the day started. We looked around and thought, "What can we possibly do to entertain five kids?" (Both girls had friends along for the ride.) Seeing that entertainment was scarce at that hour, David decided to while away the minutes at Target. He reasoned he could sit at the Starbucks conveniently located at the front of the store while he set our kids loose in the main store. I later asked how it went.

Me: So, what did you guys do while you were at Target?

Rose: We had lots of fun. My friend and I played Target Terror.

Me: Target Terror?

R: No, mom, you misheard. It was Target Dare.

Me: How do you play that?

R: You come up with funny activities and then your friend has to do them.

Me: For example?

R: I put a lampshade on my head and went up to a Target employee and said, "I have a party to go to this afternoon. Do you think this is too mainstream?"

Me: You actually did that?

R: Of course.

Me: How did the person react?

R: They looked sort of confused/scared and told  me that no, the lampshade was not too mainstream. I thanked them politely and walked away.

Me: I think Target Terror might be the more appropriate name after all.