I have never really liked the beach.

We're moving.

I'm not sure why this comes as such a shock to me. Before we landed in Roseville, David and I moved 11 times in nine years, including an overseas stint. We have spent most of our time in Roseville thinking we probably wouldn't be here long. I am not sure how we kept up that pretense since we have now been here 13 years. But after years of thinking we'll be moving soon, we actually are. David was transferred to the Bay Area

We spent time looking for houses. We looked all over, high and low, near and far, had a heart attack at the prices of houses, and thought perhaps David driving three hours one-way for a commute wouldn't be so bad after all. But after a month of long-distance commuting and being away from the family, he found that the commute was as bad as we originally thought, and we kicked our house hunting into high gear.

The kids were very excited. They thought we would be on House Hunters. I was excited, because after many discussions with David, I thought we were on the same page as to what we wanted in a house. The kids ended up being disappointed because they discovered being on TV was not in our near future after all. I ended up being disappointed because apparently David and I are not as similar as we thought in what we want in a house and where we want said house to be.

But we finally found a house. And I have discovered that God really likes to laugh at me. Because we will be living near a beach. Most people would probably say, "That's amazing! You are so lucky!" And maybe I am. People obviously like it. After all, don't half of the episodes of House Hunters International involve people looking for beachfront property? My general feeling about beaches, however, is that they are really great, except for all that sand. When I told my friend where we were going, she started laughing hysterically. When she could finally breathe, she said, "I can't believe the girl with major texture issues is going to be living next door to the beach!" (Stop being so envious of my super supportive friends. You can't have her. She's mine.)

I now have a few short weeks to learn to love the beach. I'm hoping this will help.

The view from our house.

Half Moon Bay, here we come.

Wild Palms

Last week while traveling for business, David stayed at the Wild Palms Hotel and Bar.

Wild Palms Hotel and Bar ...

After a particularly hard day, David decided to make use of the bar. But where was it? All he could find was this.

No bar, but lots of bad pictures of palms

He went to the front desk.

David: Where is the bar?

Clerk: We don't have one.

David: You don't have a bar at the Wild Palms Hotel and Bar?

Clerk: I know, right? We used to have one, but it is being rebuilt. But I have some wine in the cupboard here. Would you like some?

David: Sure, I would.

Here is his complimentary wine

Which he drank in his room.

Because of no bar.

The end.

P.S. David is going back there again next week. Apparently, they have a lot of availability compared to other hotels in the area.

Two out of three.

The other day we heard a story about a family who had three sons, two of whom were gay.

Me: That's statistically unlikely, don't you think?

David: Unlikely, but not that improbable. Look at our family.We have three kids, and two of them are smart.

Sabrina: (laughs) Wait. Which one . . . ?

Calvin: Sorry, Sabrina.

A different kind of cool.

Me: Sabrina, you're such a cool person.

Sabrina: That's not surprising considering who I come from.

David: (laughing) I think that's the first time either one of us has ever been described that way. Cool doesn't exactly run in our family.

Sabrina: No, other people just have the wrong standard of cool.

Get it? Got it. Good.

Calvin: Mom, what does "get some" mean?

Me: What?

C: Well, the song lyrics say, "Tonight let's get some and live while we're young."

Me: . . .

C: Got it. I'm going out to play now.

Me: Wait. What, exactly, did you get?

C: You gave me the let's-not-go-there look, so I thought I would come back and ask again in a couple of years.

Ouch

Sabrina: Mom, you should go on The Voice. You're as good as anyone there.

Me: Aw, that's so sweet of you to say.

S: Yeah, and don't worry, because it's not like American Idol. They totally take old people.

At least she's self-aware.

Me: Sabrina, have you done your jobs today?

S: Yes.

David: Not all of them. Pick up your laundry off the floor of your room.

S: I will.

D: And just to let you know, I am going to give you that instruction every time I see your room from now until eternity.

S: What if there are no clothes on my floor?

D: What do you think the odds of that are?

S: . . . okay.