Sabrina and Calvin are playing veterinarian with their stuffed animals.
Vet (Calvin): What can I do for you today?
Pet Owner (Sabrina): Well, doctor, Mr. Bun Buns is suffering from depression. He doesn't seem to want to engage in his usual activities. Plus, he has no friends.
Vet: I would suggest he go find a friend then.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
I Hear There's an Opening for President Next Year
Calvin told me he wanted to be a Literature Leader at school. Apparently this is where fourth graders go to second grade and help out with reading groups. The following is the letter he wrote explaining why he wanted this position.
Dear Mrs. Regan,
I want to be part of Literature Leadership. I want to be part of it because I'm SUPER good at reading and I love to do it. I once read a 565 page book in only one week! I also feel the need to help others. I have lots of experience with little kids. I have a friend who has two little brothers. One is seven and is in second grade, and the other is three and does not yet go to school. Sometimes my sister babysits them and I go too. I usually keep them entertained the most. I also want to be a leader. I think I'm a good leader because I like to control things. Whenever I'm in control things ALWAYS turn out great.
Sincerely,
CALVIN!
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Don't Give Him Any Ideas
(Guest Post by Mr. Mini-Whats)
Last night I took Calvin to see the stage-musical version of Shrek. As we were sitting in our seats waiting for the show to start, two older gentlemen came and sat next to us.
The man next to Calvin introduced himself and began talking with him and joking. He talked about how sometimes he takes off his artificial leg and hits people with it (reminding me of Arrested Development - "let that be a lesson…"). He told Calvin he knew Calvin was really there to see the pretty girl dancers in tight costumes. He mentioned to Calvin that he knew it was past his bedtime, but if Calvin started to drift off, he would give him a little elbow in the ribs to keep him awake. Few people have ever got so many "Grrrr's" out of Calvin at once. I was having a great time.
Just before intermission, the gentlemen unexpectedly laughed so hard he almost fell out of his chair. There was nothing particularly funny at that moment on stage. Fortunately it was during a loud musical number, or it would have been really awkward.
At intermission, as I was getting ready to follow Calvin out to the snack bar, he explained his outburst. He had started dozing off, and Calvin had nudged him in the ribs with his elbow to keep him awake.
Score 1 for Calvin!
Last night I took Calvin to see the stage-musical version of Shrek. As we were sitting in our seats waiting for the show to start, two older gentlemen came and sat next to us.
The man next to Calvin introduced himself and began talking with him and joking. He talked about how sometimes he takes off his artificial leg and hits people with it (reminding me of Arrested Development - "let that be a lesson…"). He told Calvin he knew Calvin was really there to see the pretty girl dancers in tight costumes. He mentioned to Calvin that he knew it was past his bedtime, but if Calvin started to drift off, he would give him a little elbow in the ribs to keep him awake. Few people have ever got so many "Grrrr's" out of Calvin at once. I was having a great time.
Just before intermission, the gentlemen unexpectedly laughed so hard he almost fell out of his chair. There was nothing particularly funny at that moment on stage. Fortunately it was during a loud musical number, or it would have been really awkward.
At intermission, as I was getting ready to follow Calvin out to the snack bar, he explained his outburst. He had started dozing off, and Calvin had nudged him in the ribs with his elbow to keep him awake.
Score 1 for Calvin!
Conversations With the Georges
Rose: I love these shoes! I love the way they make me feel. I feel old.
Calvin: I feel awesome.
Rose: Maybe it's because they're so high.
Calvin: Maybe it's because I am.
Calvin: I feel awesome.
Rose: Maybe it's because they're so high.
Calvin: Maybe it's because I am.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Insanity Update #1
Day One: I walked close to three miles with my daughter, complaining a good portion of the time. I didn't originally plan to do this, but halfway through our first of six laps Sabrina turned to me and said, "Okay, I really can't take your whining and complaining. You need to stop now." I found that to be extremely funny and ironic since this is the girl who is never happy unless she's complaining. I therefore proceeded to complain for another three laps gaining far too much enjoyment out Sabrina's heavy sighs.
Day Two: I would say I ran a total of .8 miles today, but I think it would be optimistic to call what I was doing running. It was more of a shuffle. Old ladies with walkers probably could have lapped me. However, I persevered and ended up walking/shuffling over three miles on the treadmill. Things were going relatively well until two extremely petite and disgustingly healthy women got on the treadmills on either side of me. Their walking speed was faster than my shuffling speed, and then they started running super fast and with a lot of intensity. I wanted to ask them where exactly they thought they were going, but their intensity scared me.
Day Three: I'm finding it very hard to move and my foot hurts. Yay exercise!
Day Two: I would say I ran a total of .8 miles today, but I think it would be optimistic to call what I was doing running. It was more of a shuffle. Old ladies with walkers probably could have lapped me. However, I persevered and ended up walking/shuffling over three miles on the treadmill. Things were going relatively well until two extremely petite and disgustingly healthy women got on the treadmills on either side of me. Their walking speed was faster than my shuffling speed, and then they started running super fast and with a lot of intensity. I wanted to ask them where exactly they thought they were going, but their intensity scared me.
Day Three: I'm finding it very hard to move and my foot hurts. Yay exercise!
Monday, September 19, 2011
In Which I Totally Lose My Mind
Apparently I'm running a 5k in November. How in the world did this happen? Anybody who knows me, even those who are barely acquainted with me, knows I abhor exercise. I am perfectly content to sit on the couch and eat my Hostess donuts while my disgustingly healthy husband runs marathons or spends a week pretending to be Lance Armstrong and riding his bike for 500 miles around Oregon. My experience with exercise has generally been attending his races and cheering for him. I don't mind as long as someone promises me a good meal. I have also been known to compare running to sticking a fork in my eye, only I'd opt for the fork over running because it wouldn't hurt any less, but it would be over much more quickly.
And yet a race is looming in my future. I would ask what the heck was I thinking, but it is obvious my brain has been surgically removed and there was no thought process involved. I have two months to go from sedentary sloth to runner. Fasten your seatbelts and hang on to your hats, people. This is going to get ugly.
And yet a race is looming in my future. I would ask what the heck was I thinking, but it is obvious my brain has been surgically removed and there was no thought process involved. I have two months to go from sedentary sloth to runner. Fasten your seatbelts and hang on to your hats, people. This is going to get ugly.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Innocent, or, More Likely, the Storyteller
Lysol: Ewwww! I can't believe you're doing that! Why? Why? That is so disgusting! STOP THAT! AND MAKE SURE YOU WASH YOUR HANDS!!!
Formula 409: You can stop shouting at me any time now.
Lysol: But did you see what you were doing? GROSS!!! THAT MAKES ME WANT TO BARF!
Formula 409: STOP SHOUTING AT ME!
Father: What's going on here?
Lysol: Dad, Formula 409 is SO GROSS!!
Formula 409: I AM NOT!
Lysol: You were brushing your teeth while you were going to the bathroom!! I can't believe you're related to me.
Father: Lysol, you need to stop being the hygiene police.
Lysol: There have to be standards!! I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS!
Father: There is no need to shout at Formula 409, or me for that matter.
Lysol: Nobody cares about my feelings.
Father: Your feelings aren't really the issue here. It's more about treating people with respect.
Lysol: Did you see what Formula 409 did?
Father: Yes. But as long as it wasn't your toothbrush Formula 409 was using what do you care?
Lysol: I can't believe you're taking Formula 409's side!
Father: I'm not. I'm just asking you to use the Golden Rule. Treat others the way you want to be treated. There's a reason it's called the Golden Rule and not the Rusty Tin Rule. It's because it's a valuable tenet to live by.
Lysol: Well, excuse me. I just happen to care about hygiene.
Father: I can see that by the way you just threw your underwear on the floor of the bathroom. Right there. Isn't that yours?
Lysol: That's totally different!
Father: How?
Lysol: Because there aren't germs in my underwear!
Formula 409: You can stop shouting at me any time now.
Lysol: But did you see what you were doing? GROSS!!! THAT MAKES ME WANT TO BARF!
Formula 409: STOP SHOUTING AT ME!
Father: What's going on here?
Lysol: Dad, Formula 409 is SO GROSS!!
Formula 409: I AM NOT!
Lysol: You were brushing your teeth while you were going to the bathroom!! I can't believe you're related to me.
Father: Lysol, you need to stop being the hygiene police.
Lysol: There have to be standards!! I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS!
Father: There is no need to shout at Formula 409, or me for that matter.
Lysol: Nobody cares about my feelings.
Father: Your feelings aren't really the issue here. It's more about treating people with respect.
Lysol: Did you see what Formula 409 did?
Father: Yes. But as long as it wasn't your toothbrush Formula 409 was using what do you care?
Lysol: I can't believe you're taking Formula 409's side!
Father: I'm not. I'm just asking you to use the Golden Rule. Treat others the way you want to be treated. There's a reason it's called the Golden Rule and not the Rusty Tin Rule. It's because it's a valuable tenet to live by.
Lysol: Well, excuse me. I just happen to care about hygiene.
Father: I can see that by the way you just threw your underwear on the floor of the bathroom. Right there. Isn't that yours?
Lysol: That's totally different!
Father: How?
Lysol: Because there aren't germs in my underwear!
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