I would like to preface this with the statement that I've
been sicker than a dog for almost a full week now. So let's just agree to chalk
this little incident up to loss of brain cells due to illness, okay?
I caught the flu. No wimpy 24-hour stomach bug for me. Oh,
no, I had to go and catch influenza and do it up right. This afternoon, I
ventured downstairs for the first time in five days. Until then the most I've
been able to do is drag myself from my bed to the bathroom and back again,
whereupon I'd need hours to recuperate from that little jaunt. Full-blown
influenza is the absolute pits. But after days of chills, sweats, aches and
trying to hack up a lung, I thought I would go downstairs and make myself a
piece of toast.
On shaky legs I made it down the stairs, glad for the
banister to help keep me upright, and made myself a piece of sourdough toast.
Thinking I had accomplished enough for the day, I decided to go back upstairs.
As I headed toward the stairs I saw . . . something on the floor. Not sure what
it was, but too tired to really care all that much, I kept on shuffling. Until
the something scuttled away from my approaching feet.
I immediately shrieked and leapt onto the couch in a single
bound. This was quite impressive since I had lost most of my voice due to
coughing so much, and the couch was a good five feet behind me. The girls
shrieked in sympathy, then stopped and said, "What happened, Mom?"
Me: A spider! The
biggest one I've ever seen!
Sabrina went to take a look, then screamed louder than
the first time and also made an impressive leap for the couch. "Oh, my
God, what is it?!?"
Me: I don't know.
A spider?
Sabrina: Spiders
DON'T HAVE TENTACLES, Mom!
Me: I know. But
what else could it be?
Rose: (standing
on her chair) What is it? What is it?
 | ||
| This was taken after the fact and only after much cajoling and bribing. The girls were surprisingly reluctant to reenact this for me so I could take some quality photos. |
Sabrina: What
are we going to do?
We all spent a good few minutes standing on furniture and yelling
at the top of our lungs for my nine-year-old son to come and save us. He
couldn't hear us because he was plugged into his computer game upstairs with
his headphones on. About this time I started thinking all those years playing
"Lava" with my children were going to come in handy, because I needed
to figure out a way to get from the family room to the stairs without touching
the ground. No way was I getting anywhere near that tentacled monstrosity.
Fortunately, Calvin finally heard us and came down to see
what was wrong. We explained the situation, and he said he'd be right back. A
few minutes later warrior Calvin came back down.
I nixed the book idea since I'd rather arm-wrestle that spider-thing
than face my husband if our new wood floor was dented. Calvin came back with a Swiffer mop. Now that was some good thinking on his part. I was impressed. It
provided a fairly large rectangular area with which to squish the spider, while
still giving him some distance from it. He squished it flat, said it was dead,
and headed back up the stairs. As he disappeared from view he said, "Oh,
by the way, it was only some lint."
